Posted: Fri 03/03/06 8:39 am Post subject: Tactics For Getting Wife or Girlfriend To Take The Fly!
Ok - Shaq's recent article has opened my eyes to a HUGE problem that most fly fishing addicts face. This typically applies to more seasoned flyfisherman. Because, it is based on the assumption that your wife or girlfriend is already sick of the "romantic" notions of fly fishing that she adored so much during the early stages of the relationship or the early stages of a flyfishermans hobby - before that hobby spireled into an almost obsessive- compulsive addiction.
Signs That Your Wifes or Girlfriends romantic illusions of fly fishing are wearing thin.
1. She used to cry when she watched a river runs through it - now she cringes
2. She is categorizing all fish as the same and all of the same size
3. Pictures/painting of old men tying flies or fly fishing in beautiful locations - have disappeared from the mantel and have been replaced with pictures of you and her.
4. She has absolutely no interest in reading your latest fly fishing poem and she could care less about your fly fishing novel that you have been writing for 3 years.
5. The flies that you tied are no longer "pretty" - they are nothing more than a nuisance
6. She used to love going to the river with you and reading a book while you fly fished. Now, if you are able to get her to go, she spends the entire time sitting on a rock and staring at her watch.
7. She used to love to get you fly fishing gear for christmas. Now, you don't dare mention a new reel as a possible gift option.
8. She purposfully plans weekends or vacations so that they are not within any reasonable driving distance of any fishable water.
9. She can easily sniff out your lame attempts to salvage what is left of your flyfishing time. Below are just a few examples...
- Honey how bout we take a drive through the berkshires
- Honey I was thinking of a vacation on Marthas Vineyard in September
- Honey how about we go camping in Northern Maine
- Honey I was thinking we should go down to the keys this year instead
of Tampa or Disney World
- Honey I have a friend who is our age with a wife/girlfriend... What do
you think about a weekend getaway to the Delaware area.. just the 4
of us.
- Honey, seriously, there is allot of heritage in Pulaski NY. You would
love it.
- etc...
10. You have already learned the hard way - that all efforts to get her a fly rod, pay for instruction and all that nonsense are never going to work if they haven't already. You have accepted the fact that she hates the reel you gave her and will be absolutely outraged if you ever get her a fly fishing gift for christmas, b-day.... etc... ever again.
11. You used to spend 100 days per year on the water. At first, she joined you and brought wine and cheese to the river. There were lots of laughs and she though it was so "cute" when you caught that trout...Your beautiful casts and love for the water had her mesmerized. The typical downward progression from this is as follows:
- She does not bring wine and cheese any more
- She does not come anymore
- You start sneaking a few casts without her knowing
- You are stashing gear (in trunk of car etc..)
- Tears still come to her eyes - but not because of your beautiful fly cast - but because she is fed up with flies, trout, water, wet waders laying around the house and constant phone calls from fly buddies at all hours of the day and night...
- She has laid down ultimatums - It's either me or the fish
- You succomb and start to give away fly fishing time
- Now you spend 10 days a year on the water
- Then those 10 days are even a "little much"
- Then any mention of fly fishing directly or indirectly is not allowed
- Now you have resolved to 1 week long flyfishing trip per year
- Now that 1 week is "kinda long"
- Now that 1 week is has turned into a 3 day weekend
- Now she is wondering if there is anyway that you could just go for a day rather than 3 full days
12. All of these things below are "much more important" than fly fishing..AND SADLY - you start to actually believe it!
- The new deck needs to be stained
- You have to upgrade from a 2003 explorer to the 2005 explorer
- Your kid has piano classes, a soccer game, a banquet, a spelling bee, advanced reading classes, math tutoring, a doctors visit, a dentist visit, a birthday party, another birthday party and an audition for a tv commercial.... ALL IN ONE DAY!!!!
- Her mother is having a brunch that you "must" attend
- The country club that you belong to and pretty much can't stand anyone there, is having a big fundraising dinner to discuss why annual dues are going up...and you even get the option to bid on a bunch of useless golf artifacts for super long dollar.. and better yet.. do all of this in a tux.
- Your neighbor, with the new 20 thousand dollar roof and kid that just got accepted to Yale is having a cocktail party to celebrate and christan the purchase of his new sailboat. you get to talk about the weather, stocks, insurance and how dumbfounded you are at the price of gas...
- It's time to start christmas shopping.. this has become a year round event and with the advent of qvc and the internet ... you can pull out your credit card anytime in the name of CHRISTMAS and purchase another gift for yet another person who has more material things than anyone would ever need.
- You "need" a bigger house, another house, a vacation house, another car, a beach car, a mountain house, a bigger boat, jetski, a hummer, a better private school for the kids, an addition to the new house that you haven't even moved into yet, an addition to that new addition...
And.... then you find that 20 years have passed and you can't even remember the last time you went fly fishing... because you have so many more "important" things to focus on.....
It is sad to say.... but I have lost countless fly buddies to this very same scenario or variotions of it. Enough time has passed so that I have seen some of those people come back into the fly fishing world because they are now divorced and they have come full circle and are once-again where they started...fly fishing bums...living only for their next cast... Some still stay stuck in their new world....and I have not heard from them in many years.....
And then there are some who seem to have found the keys to success. They have a wife/girlfriend - good kids - or maybe i should say average kids - they don't necessarily have big stocks, houses, boats... and all that stuff.. and they certainly face the same trials and tribulations that every person, marriage and family faces... but - they have also been able to somehow hold on to the things they love and be true to themselves without giving it all away in the name of "keeping up with the jones's" ......
So - I will leave this post - like this and maybe we can get some insight into the Tactics some of the fly fisherman on Flies And Fins us to Get the Wife or Girlfriend To Take The Fly! --- I have a few to share - and will post them a bit later......
I have seen this chain of events unfold as well. On the other end I have seen a few friends simply state the facts of how much time their hobby/obsession consumes up front and the prospective significant other will eitheir flee or be alright with it. Example....One of my best friends is an absolute waterfowl hunting madman. The first time he met his wife he was sprawled out on the floor of his apartment with decoys covering every square inch of the floor, while he and his Chesapeake Bay retriever were re-painting them for the upcoming season. This seemed to set a really good president in their relationship. He explained to her that waterfowling is what made him tick and it was in his blood. He also disclosed that he would always have to devote the 60 days a year that the state of NY allows for the season to strictly hunting and nothing else. His exact words to her were that the during the months of November and December he would be "following the migration" and thats exactly what he does. She had no problems with this and hasn't since. Granted the other ten months of the year he is an extremely hard working entreprenuer. They have been hapily married for 5 years now with no problems. I think if you establish some ground rules from the get go that both parties can agree on it can be very manageable. At this particular junction in my life I am single and enjoying it quite a bit. When and if the next time comes around to entertain the thought of dating and starting a serious relationship you can be sure that I will be straight forward and upfront in regard to my fishing habits and how much time they consume. Selfish? probably. If it makes me truly happy to be out on the water why would I let anyone or anything take that away from me?
Last edited by waterwhippa on Fri 03/03/06 10:03 am; edited 1 time in total
Posted: Fri 03/03/06 9:56 am Post subject: Fly Fishing And Relationships
Well I am not married, or divorced, no kids, or plans to have any. I have a lot of respect for those of you with "family" as your top priorty. My top priorties are work and fishing. That is it, but like everything that will probably change at some point in time. For the time being I have no interest in taking my girlfriend fishing. Its my time, and I intend to keep it that way for as long as I can. If she ever has a problem with my obsessions or tries to force me to ask her permission for anything that I choose to do then she is out. But so far so good.
This maybe the most important thread for us fisherman.
I did an about face as I just got back into fishing this past year. I have to say that I am greatful as my wife is very supportive of my fishing within limits of coarse. As is any relationship there is compromise. The key for us is balance. I need to spend plenty of time doing the things that need to get done around the house, familiy obligations etc. I love spending time wiht my wife and son and getting out to fish on a regular basis is icing on the cake. I can almost always get a trip the question that is hard is when. That said she is not at all interested in fishing herself; none, nada, noway.
From buddies I know enough that if she were interested that I would not teach her in any way shape or form. This is very important to anyone considering it. Paying someone else or having a friend teach one's mate is the way to go. Unless you have a couples therapist to help you through the process.
good points. Likewise my wife is my best friend, yet I think she watches me and my interactions with all of the fishing gear, tying, trips, reading etc. with a mix of interest and curiosity. kind of like wathcing a person from another world. As long as I don't talk about it too much to her she's cool. If I see her eyes glaze over I know to stop. That said I can't wait till next weekend....steelhead
I've had the exact problem, but completely reversed here. Since I am a girl (or lady as some people say), most times my boyfriends like fishing. But I have had a few that have never caught a fish in their lives, or just don't like the thought of hurting something. (This even gets worse when I ask the guy to go grouse hunting with me. They usually say something like "Oh, sorry honey I have to wash my hair that day.")
And since fishing seems to be a male-dominated sport up here in Canada, it gets a little testy when my significant other thinks that I may run into other males on the river and be swept away by someone else.
Posted: Wed 03/08/06 12:03 am Post subject: flycastin
flycastin - that is hilarious - so YOU MUST have some interesting insight for us fly guys??? HELP US... seems as though many are in desperate need of more time on the water and you might just have the answers we are looking for... however, i probably speak for most on this board when i say that we may not be able to help you with your dilema? i have yet to call any of my fly buds and ask them to go fly fishing and get a response like...."oh sorry, gotta wash my hair today." .... but maybe you have pointed out a troublesome possibility? could it be that they are lying to me when they say they are going bird or deer hunting - but in fact they are really going to be "washing their hair"... now you got me a little worried flycastin... and come to think of it GREG never has a hair out of place... just kidding greg..
Posted: Wed 03/08/06 8:23 pm Post subject: from Jeremy's wife
His article implies this is a HUGE problem for him, yeah right. For those of you who know Jeremy, he is on the river probably 264 days a year, if not more. He's got it pretty good.
And guys, did you ever think of the possibility that we'll find our own new hobbies while your on the river. You might be running back home sooner than you think!
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just kidding greg..